Your response can change what happens next when someone is being bullied. A few calm words, a well-timed interruption, or simply standing beside someone can shift the moment and show them they are not alone.
A bystander witnesses bullying but does not become directly involved. An upstander notices what is happening and chooses a safe way to help. That might mean speaking up, creating an exit, involving someone else, refusing to give the behavior an audience, or checking in afterward.
That is kindness in action. Helping can be quiet, indirect, or shared with others. What matters is taking a step that reduces harm and moves the situation toward support
Respond to What You See
When someone is being humiliated, threatened, deliberately excluded, or repeatedly treated cruelly, focus on what is happening and the next helpful step.
Learn more about the different forms of bullying.
Choose the Safest Way to Help
Before stepping in, consider whether anyone could be physically harmed.
When a person is being threatened, attacked, or may have a weapon,
move to a secure place and get help immediately. Contact a trusted adult, school or campus staff member, security officer, or call 911.
Do not physically place yourself between people or confront anyone who may become violent. Leaving the scene to find assistance is still an upstander action.
If you or some one you know needs guidence on how to get or give support to someone in crisis:
Read: Suicide Prevention | Help for You or Someone You Know
Help Change What Your Group Accepts
Bullying gains power when it receives attention, laughter, silence, or participation. It loses some of that power when people make different choices together.
Do not pass along rumors. Refuse to join online pile-ons or group chats created to target someone. Speak up when friends make harmful comments, and include people who are being deliberately left out.
These everyday acts of kindness help establish what your group will and will not accept.
You Have Options in the Moment
There is no single right way to respond. Choose the approach that fits what is happening and feels safe to you.
Use Your Voice
A few calm words can show that the behavior does not have everyone’s support. Avoid arguing, insulting the other person, or turning the moment into a confrontation.
You might say:
- “That’s not okay.”
- “Leave them alone.”
- “We’re not doing this.”
- “That isn’t funny.”
- “Let’s move on.”
Keep your voice steady, say what you need to say, and step away. You do not have to win an argument or convince anyone that they are wrong. Speaking clearly is enough.
Create an Exit
Changing the direction of the moment can give the person being targeted an opportunity to get away.
Create an ordinary reason for them to leave:
- “Come sit with us.”
- “I need to talk to you for a minute.”
- “Let’s go. We’re going to be late.”
- “Let's get out of here!”
You can also change the subject, begin a different conversation, or move closer so the person is no longer standing alone. A well-timed interruption can stop the behavior without directly challenging the person responsible.
Bring In Support
Finding someone who can step in is a safe and effective way to help. Choose a person who is prepared to respond.
At school, that may be a teacher, administrator, or another trusted adult. On a college campus, consider contacting a professor, resident assistant, student support office, campus administrator, or campus safety. In a public place, look for an employee, event staff member, or security officer.
Be direct:
“Someone is being bullied and needs help. I need you to help, can you come with me?”
Act Together
When several people respond, no one has to handle the situation alone. Group support makes it clear that bullying does not have everyone’s approval.
Ask a friend to stand beside you, help create an exit, or come with you to report what happened. One person can find assistance while another remains nearby.
Collective action does not have to be loud or dramatic. Sometimes it is simply a group refusing to laugh, participate, or give bullying an audience.
Check In Afterward
A private check-in can help someone feel less alone and make it easier for them to seek support. Reach out and let them know you noticed what happened.
Try saying:
- “I saw what happened. That wasn’t okay.”
- “Are you doing all right?”
- “Do you want to talk about it?”
- “Would you like me to go with you to report it?”
- “What would feel helpful right now?”
Listen without pushing for details or telling them how they should feel. Unless someone is in danger, ask what kind of support they want before taking over the situation.
Continue showing up in ordinary ways. Sit with them, invite them into a conversation, walk with them, or check in again later. Genuine connection can reduce the isolation bullying often creates.
If the person wants help deciding what to do next, share our guide:
Are you Being Bullied? How to Deal With Bullies
Parents supporting their child can find additional guidance and resources in:
What to Do if Your Child Is Being Bullied.
When the Person Bullying Is Your Friend
Responding can feel complicated when someone you care about is responsible for the bullying behavior. Friendship does not require you to ignore harm or go along with something you know is wrong.
If you feel comfortable, speak with your friend privately. Focus on what they did and its impact rather than labeling or humiliating them.
You could say:
- “That wasn’t okay.”
- “You really embarrassed them.”
- “I think that went too far.”
- “How would you feel if that happened to you?”
- “I’m not going to be part of this.”
You can care about a friend and still hold them accountable. Refusing to cover for them, laugh along, or participate may help them recognize the effect of their actions.
Avoid Making the Situation Worse
An upstander’s goal is to reduce harm, not create another confrontation.
- Do not physically intervene when someone could be hurt.
- Avoid responding with insults, threats, or humiliation.
- Never record an incident for entertainment or share it online.
- Do not pressure the targeted person to confront anyone.
- Respect their privacy instead of telling others what happened.
- Never promise to keep threats, possible violence, or serious safety concerns secret.
You are not responsible for resolving the entire situation. Focus on the next helpful step and involve others when more support is needed.
How to Be an Upstander Online
Your choices online help determine what receives attention and how far harmful content spreads.
- Do not like, repost, forward, or add reaction emojis to cruel content.
- Save and print screenshots as evidence. Include usernames, links, messages, and other evidence before the content disappears.
- Report the post, message, or account through the platform.
- Contact the person privately instead of drawing more public attention to the situation.
- Share evidence only with someone who can help address the behavior.
Never repost humiliating content to criticize it or raise awareness. Even with good intentions, sharing may expose the person to a larger audience and prolong the harm.
Choosing not to engage is not the same as doing nothing. Refusing to amplify cyberbullying takes away some of the attention that allows it to grow.
You Can Change What Happens Next
Upstanders help change more than one difficult moment. Each response strengthens a culture of kindness, makes it clear that bullying will not be rewarded with attention or approval, and shows that no one has to face it alone.
You cannot control every outcome, but you can influence what happens next. You have options, you have a voice, and you can bring others with you. That is the power of being an upstander.
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